فرایند گذار از بحران طلاق تا دستیابی به صلح زناشویی پایدار: مطالعه پدیدارشناختی تجربه زیسته زوجین

This study aimed to explore the lived experiences of couples who, after initiating divorce, decided to return to and continue their marital life. With the increasing prevalence of divorce and the critical importance of achieving sustainable marital reconciliation, this research sought to identify the processes, mechanisms, and personal and relational factors that facilitate the reconstruction of marital relationships.

A descriptive phenomenological approach was employed to capture the depth and richness of participants’ experiences. The study involved 12 married individuals (9 women and 3 men) who, after withdrawing their divorce request and having lived together for at least one year, met the criteria for sustainable marital reconciliation. Data were collected through semi-structured in-depth interviews, providing participants the opportunity to narrate their experiences freely, and were analyzed using Colaizzi’s method. Analysis yielded 317 open codes, 105 initial concepts, 17 sub-themes, and four main themes: (1) “Asymmetric will to preserve the marital life,” (2) “Acceptance and reconsideration by the hesitant spouse,” (3) “Mutual efforts of couples to restore the relationship,” and (4) “Consolidation of marital reconciliation and continuous care of the relationship.”

The first theme, asymmetric will to preserve marital life, revealed that in most cases, one partner initially sought divorce due to repeated frustrations and perceived relational failure, while the other partner, guided by a sense of responsibility, personal determination, and value-based motivation, actively engaged in preserving the marriage. Participants described persistent efforts to restore the relationship, demonstrating unwavering hope, testing all available options, and resisting despair. Emotional commitment, belief in the possibility of repair, and reliance on ethical and spiritual values such as patience, forgiveness, and faith were essential for sustaining these efforts. One participant shared, “I was the only one who truly wanted the life back. If someone genuinely wants to return from the heart, they can find a way.” Another emphasized, “All the paths I tried failed, yet I never gave up because I believed there was a solution.”

The second theme, acceptance and reconsideration by the hesitant spouse, highlighted the gradual process through which the initially divorce-seeking partner began to reconsider their decision. Honest communication, persistent encouragement, and consistent positive behaviors from the determined partner fostered trust and created an opportunity for reevaluation. Temporary separation, family support, and recognition of residual emotional attachment further facilitated this process. One participant noted, “My spouse’s persistence and honesty gradually convinced me to reconsider. I felt secure and realized this time the intentions were genuine.” The findings demonstrate that the hesitant partner’s internal reflection and emotional connection were critical in shifting attitudes toward relationship restoration.

The third theme, mutual efforts to restore a tense and deteriorating relationship, encompassed both partners’ active engagement in identifying their own contributions to conflict, adopting personal responsibility, and pursuing self-improvement. Participants reported heightened self-awareness, modification of maladaptive behaviors, and focused efforts on constructive problem-solving rather than blaming each other. This stage included collaboration in attending counseling, building trust, adjusting relational power dynamics, and consistently demonstrating supportive behaviors. Couples emphasized small yet meaningful actions, attentive listening, and responsiveness to each other’s emotional needs. One participant reflected, “I realized I had been trying to change my spouse, but the real change had to start with me. Accepting my own shortcomings helped me respect our differences.”

The fourth theme, consolidation of marital reconciliation and continuous care of the relationship, illustrated that sustaining a recovered relationship requires ongoing effort, attention, and strategic relational management. Couples engaged in behaviors to enhance intimacy, such as sharing emotions, spending quality time together, expressing affection verbally and nonverbally, and practicing humor and recreational activities. Commitment to the marital relationship, including mutual responsibility toward children, family well-being, and societal obligations, was reinforced. Participants also highlighted the significance of setting boundaries with extended family, repairing parent-child relationships, and ensuring a safe and loving environment for children. In addition, attention to personal growth and development, including pursuing education, hobbies, or personal goals, contributed to maintaining balance and satisfaction within the marriage. Participants described a continuous awareness of relational needs, proactive communication, conflict prevention strategies, and reliance on spiritual beliefs to sustain commitment. One participant explained, “Every small effort, every kind word, and shared experience strengthens our bond. We actively plan to keep our relationship warm and resilient.”

The findings suggest that achieving sustainable marital reconciliation is a gradual, multidimensional, and dynamic process. It requires a combination of individual determination, attitudinal change, mutual engagement, enhanced communication skills, and reliance on personal, relational, and spiritual values. The process is not linear; couples experience cycles of challenge and recovery, requiring persistence, patience, and adaptive strategies. This study highlights that reconciliation is not merely the resumption of cohabitation but the intentional reconstruction of trust, intimacy, and shared life goals, allowing the marital relationship to thrive despite previous adversities.

In conclusion, sustainable marital reconciliation involves a complex interplay of psychological, relational, and ethical factors. Interventions aimed at supporting couples in crisis should emphasize fostering hope, encouraging ethical and spiritual engagement, promoting self-awareness, and building effective communication and problem-solving skills. This study provides a phenomenological insight into the lived experiences of couples who successfully navigated the crisis of divorce and achieved a lasting, harmonious marital life, offering valuable guidance for practitioners, counselors, and policymakers interested in promoting marital stability and relational well-being.